That men can have both family and career, and that they rarely need to compromise one for the other, seems pretty apparent. But take a look at the portrayal of Mums with careers on our screens- They’re usually overrun, and overwhelmed, by trying to juggle both and usually all the while being judged and falling short in the eyes of their peers in both these domains. Take a look at real life- Women can’t win. If you want kids and/or marriage, you’re just out to trap men into commitment and responsibility and ruin their fun bachelor lifestyles. If you don’t want one or both of those things, you’re selfish and unnatural. Don’t work? Lazy, selfish, and unmotivated. Do work? Selfish, self-absorbed, uncaring for your family, and too ambitious. And unfortunately, striking the balance between career and family is harder in science than in a lot of other fields.

To write this article, I had to outsource because unlike a lot of women my age in science, the idea of kids and/or marriage terrifies me. And while some women share my sentiments, the reality is that a lot of them don’t. Equally though, a lot of women don’t want to give up on the career goals they set for themselves, or sacrifice the progress they’ve already made in their chosen field. But the fact that women often have to make that choice was starkly illustrated to me in a coffee shop conversation with a friend.

She’s wildly intelligent, and capable, and had ambitions of becoming a surgeon. But she also loves kids and definitely knows that she wants them in her future- And not just that she wants them, but that she wants to be as involved as possible. She wants to be at their school events, their sporting matches and recitals, to take them on holidays, and to pick them up and be there when they get home from school. How does that reconcile with the hours and expectations of a surgeon? It doesn’t. When is a good time in her career path to take maternity leave? There isn’t one. Any time out would sacrifice progress in her chosen career.

My friend wants to be the super involved Mum- Not everyone does. But regardless, the reality is that the expectations of the bulk of childcare and household labor still fall to women, and the realities of pregnancy and childbirth force us to take time out. How can this be reconciled with the demands of career in science, where research grants and postdoctoral places are quickly lost and so is progress in this area, meaning you lose out on the chance to gain upper level research or lecturing positions, and where women are considered less reliable because ‘they’ll take a break to have kids’. Why do we as a society demand so much of women? Why do we refuse to be satisfied no matter what they do? Why is Science so inflexible to the other demands women face? While we’re making steps for women in Science, until these questions are answered and irrelevant, we’re not doing women justice.